Frame-up reported at area home

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Minnifrid L. Schnauzer
Staff Reporter

Ith hard bein' a dog in thith town.

I was juth thitting there in the corner, minding my own bithnith, when my mom comes in and 'cuses me of chewing up her favorite pair of brown shoes. Doethn't bother to invethtigate, juth startth athining blame. So much for equality under the law! I mean, I know it looked bad, but it wathn't me. It wathn't me.

If Mom knew the truth about what really goes on in our howth when she's not payin' attention, she'd thcream bloody murder (kinda like she duth with she ITH payin' attention...). And I'm here to speak the truth. You might not like the truth when ith hogging the coverth and making you let it out at 3am, but thath me. I'm the truth perthonified.

On the night in quethtion, a band of raccoonth snuck into the howth and thtarted ranthacking Mom's clothet. They pulled out what they mutht have believed to be the best shoes for chewin' and juth kind of went to town. Your clathic smash-and-grab job. It wathn't pretty. I mean, they were really big racooonth--what wath I suppothed to do? As a schnauzer, I'm here to tell you there wath pretty much nothin' I could do.

The whole thing ith one big conthpirathy. Conthpirathy!

I know how thith looks. Unfortunately for me, the raccoonth left no forensic evidence, and there ith no credible witneth to crobberate my thtory. I'm not optimithtic about my chantheth with the jury.

Area cat Weasel, aka Juror #1,  says she's mostly made up her mind ahead of time and planth to rethpond to the evidence prethented with plenty of snap judgements and Bible quoting.

"I really don't care one way or the other, you know?" says Weasel. "I just want to get my jury service over with so I can go back to licking myself."

Area cat Nubbin, aka Juror #2, was unavailable for comment but did indicate that I could go f!$& myself.

And tho, the American thythem of juthtith grinds on. Thith hath been Minnifrid L. Schnauzer reporting. Arf.

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Next week's exposé: "Bones: what could be better?!"

Comments

[Buster Brown]

Minnie - I cud defend u when your shoe chewing case comes to trial. I have been accused many times of the same crime. It is a conspiracy against the canine race!!! Why do those humans buy so many shoes - I don't even have one pair!! Mom is always complaining about not having enough room in her closet. Well......

[Cheeky Kitten]

Thankth Buthter! When are you coming to my howth?

Minnie