Do not adjust your innernet. What you're seeing is real. A real tree orgy. I'm not kidding people. I found these pornographic trees whilst innocently hiking near Blowing Rock, NC yesterday. I mean, I know it was July 4th and everything, but could they have maybe waited till sundown? There were kids on that trail FCOL.
Speaking of kids on trails. I shouldn't even say this, because 20 years ago I was one of those annoying small people screaming and sneaking off ahead of my parents so I could go crack my head on a rock. Maybe it was the holiday yesterday. There seemed to be more little kids and more of the "Cooler People" I generally try to avoid on such outings. It took us a whole hour to find a trail that wasn't completely overrun by morons who have no business even being in the woods.
I'm sorry, I'm a total bitch for saying this, but if the trail is marked "moderate," your expansive behind should probably just stay in the Suburban with the air running. And you're probably better off without your cooler. And you DEFinitely shouldn't bring that herd of seven-year-olds because you will spend your entire hike screaming at them to get off rocks and not kill salamanders. There's a place for people like you all to walk. It's called The Mall. It's easier, cooler, and there's a Burger King.
Fortunately yesterday most of them clustered around the trail entrance, since that's where the really cool rocks (and naughty trees) were. This one family engulfed us on our way back down and shared their lives with us, I guess you could say. I don't know what it is about folks like that--for some reason they can't all stay near enough to each other that they can communicate without yelling.
"'ay Pokey," one of them said, (ironically), "Yew and Mama wait down thar at the car. We'll be 'long momenturly."
Maybe they thought they were in Wal Mart.
(Today's scathing observation brought to you thanks to Scott, who thinks the blog has been a little soft lately.)
Thats why I come here - for some nice feel good observations about the tragedy of the human race (they are going to be teaching our children someday - or cooking them fries, whatever).
At least the trees were getting some... course what would you expect at "Blowing" Rock? Are you sure that place started with an R? All the Cooler people just wanted to bring their chitlins back to where they were conceived (all 7 of them). "Look honey, before your Daddy went to prison - this was our spot. You was kunse.., conse.., conc.., you was made riecht there under them two trees that're gettin it on."
You sure that one tree isn't humping that bent over rock while the other one films it for Nature Gone Wild 46 - If a Tree Comes in the Woods...? (Edit that part out if there are any little kids reading this).
Posted by: scott | July 06, 2007 at 06:30 PM
Well if I have kids reading this, posting that pic was very very wrong. Oops. I was also going to talk about how annoying it is to try to drive in the mountains with showoffs on bikes around every corner, but I got distracted by humping trees.
Posted by: Emily | July 09, 2007 at 05:24 PM