Pretty is as pretty does

I just had a cute-gasm

I'm gonna knit me one-a these...

Kitties in sweaters...kitties in sweaters...CuteOverload is rotting my brain...

Still life with Boston Terrier

Ozzie is always willing to help out when you have an art project. Once in college I painted a picture of him floating down a river in his dog house. (It kinda looks like I was on LSD at the time, but I wasn't.)

Being back in SC for a few days gave me lots of time to work on my thingamajig I'm making. It's coming along, I think. I figure I'm about halfway through. I showed it to my aunt who's all into yarn and stuff, and she said it looked very good for a beginner. So there, people who think me knitting is funny...

Check it, I even changed colors. Only people with highly developed knitting powers can do that.

Don't mind the bollocks

I feel like a complete spaz today. I didn't feel like going to dance class tonight, so much so that I just signed up for the Wednesday class too (they let you pay by the class) so that when I feel too lazy on Mondays it won't put me behind.

I'm still a little annoyed about last week's class. The lady had promised not to try and make us learn a dance, but she's been sneaking one in lately...I do not want to learn a dance right now. It is hard enough getting some of these moves straight without having to worry about transitioning from one to another. You'd think this would occur to the lady, but I guess she couldn't help herself. Maybe she was getting bored.

So instead of dance class, I'm going to work on my other insane hobby, knitting. I started this durn thing over the weekend. I think it's going to be a makeup bag or something. And it's pink. I was looking at pattern books at Borders this weekend and realized my ADD was never going to let me actually stick to any of them. But so far it's going ok. How hard is it to knit two rectangles anyway?  I've realized too late that the thing is going to need some kind of liner, but I think I can finagle something that doesn't look too stupid. What's up with that, though? The intricate and painstaking weaveage of yarn ain't enough, I gotta sew a liner in too?

Shut up, Emily. Nobody's making you do it.

I figure I'll be an expert at knitting little rectangular bags pretty soon, and you'll all get little hand-knit rectangular bags for your birthdays. You can put whatever kind of shit you want in them--I don't really need to know about it.

I went to lunch early today so I could go home and knit...also to let the plumber in...and to keep Minnie occupied so he could work. I'm sure he was asking himself why is this woman sitting there knitting, with hot pink yarn no less, in the middle of the workday. Or do plumbers think about things like that? He's probably thinking hardcore plumber thoughts. I should have asked.

That's about all I got for you today. Except maybe this: Pretty much the best e-mail I've gotten all week:

So I am walking around today and one of the high school girls that seem to clog perfectly good beaches walks by me staring at my midsection. I though I had something on me or something (like a bee) and stared jumping around waving my arms like a retard. I am pretty sure that reactions like that are why I have trouble in the girlfriend department.

Craft-related violence at local Wal Mart

I don't know what happened this week. Something just kind of snapped inside me. I decided I was going to teach myself how to crochet these weird little tiny stuffed animals. It's a Japanese form of crochet called amigurumi, and I don't know, I think it was invented by the folks in charge of torture. Because only a sadist would think this kind of thing up.

But they're so #&*ing cute. I don't know what to do.

So basically, because I'm completely mental, last night I was trying to teach myself to crochet, which apart from little tiny stuffed animals has got to be the most bloodthirsty craftform one could attempt. And look at the detail there, people. Little tiny sweaters, AYFKM? But you know me. I have to do the most difficult thing possible, or it's not worth doing. Anyway, so I went to Wal Mart and got some yarn and crochet hooks. I had a pattern for this little mushroom guy, who seemed easy because he was essentially just two lumps stuck together. The cashier asked me what I was going to make with my yarn and hooks. They always ask you what you're going to make with craft supplies in this town, for some reason. I usually just say I'm going to make a bomb, you know, just to freak them out, but this time I felt like getting real for a change.

I said,"These weird little tiny Japanese stuffed animal things."

She asked, "Do you know how to crochet?"

I said, "No, but I'm going to do it anyway."

She just kind of looked at me like I was a crackhead while she finished scanning my items. Boy, now I know why.

My instructions called for crocheting in a circle, which wasn't hard, but every two stitches I had to switch to a whole other crazy-assed stitch. (By the way, it's really hard to do any kind of yarn craft with two cats and an 18-month-old dog present--half my time was spent untangling Minnie.) So rather than going somewhere and buying a real instruction book, I just shoved everything back in the bag, went back to Wal Mart, and kicked the crap out of the well-meaning cashier who sold it to me. She was part of the problem, see?

I have two things to show for my efforts last night. One kind of doughnut looking thing that I gave to the cats as a toy (even they thought it was retarded) and what is essentially a big fat stupid-looking knot.

I'm not giving up, though. The obsession has already taken root. So I'm going to either find me some old biddie here in town to give me crochet lessons or else find a class somewhere. You know what I mean? When the going gets tough, the tough get to the Hobby Lobby Saturday Crochet Workshop.