Pretty is as pretty does

All right, Home Depot, you and me. Outside. Right now.

I'm curious to know if this has happened to any of you...

I went to Home Depot at lunch to get some big-ass trash cans for my yard, and there were NO cashiers--everything was self checkout. There was one guy manning the help desk, which I at first thought was a register, but when I got up there he informed me that I'd have to ring up my big-ass trash cans myself.

So I went away to make sure he wasn't just being a jerk, and sure enough--none of the at least dozen registers were open. So I went back to his little station and asked why there wasn't one single solitary person available to help me with my big-ass trash cans.

"Well I'm a person," he said. "A very busy person, but  a person."

He then went over to the nearest scanner thingy and scanned my trash cans for me and then walked away. What is that about? I thought Home Depot was supposed to be this nice cheery place where you can buy 800 pounds of sheet metal and some concrete blocks with no hassle?

Dude, even Wal Mart has a couple of registers open in the middle of the day. Call me irrational, but when I walk into a store, I want to know there will be a surly, unknowledgeable, unhelpful teenager with scary fingernail art waiting there to ring me up. Is that too much to ask?

In happier news: look, it's lots of piglets...The one in the can of pork 'n beans looks happiest...

This one's for you, Nicole

I'm going to call you back, I swear.

http://www.langston.com/Fun_People/1992/1992AAI.html

I just had a terrible 1990s flashback

Oh my goodness.

How many of you taped it off the radio, and how many of you bought the single with your babysitting money and hid it under your mattress? I'm just curious.

People I know: Part I

Goin' down to South Park

Check me out. My South Park doppelganger! I think it's a pretty good likeness, and guess what--you too can waste half your evening deciding if you'd look better in a derby or Viking horns. You know you want to.

Why are we using the bathroom at Big Lots?

Let's go over the possible reasons.

1. You're having a colonoscopy in the morning, and your bowel-cleansing stuff kicked in faster than the doctor said it would.

2. You're one of those ladies on TV who are always finding the need to go while at brunch, out dancing with the husband, and antiquing. In which case, I doubt you shop at Big Lots, so let's just cross this one off.

3. Someone hit you with an elastic-vaporizing ray gun, and you want to get somewhere private before your panties fall down.

4. You're just the average retarded Big Lots shopper.

Now let's go over the reasons why, when you find yourself in need of a toilet in Big Lots, you find it more convenient to ask an unassuming woman (who is clearly not an employee but who is rather minding her owndamnbusiness pondering squash seeds because they're only 20 cents a pack) where the bathroom is, even though, again, she is clearly not an employee and a giant sign reading RESTROOMS is hanging right in front of your ass.

1. You're retarded. That's the only possible reason.

At any rate, you ask, loudly:

They ga baff-rawm in hyar?

We're not going to get into why the unassuming woman at the seed display is in Big Lots in the first place. Let's just leave it at seeds for 20 cents a pack and mind our own business.

Watch where you point them things...

I don't know, people. I'm not sure I'm the kind of girl who can pull off shoes with points sharp enough to ensure that a man will never be a father.

Yet there they are...

Dang, this office has ugly carpet...

What? You need another view of the shoes? Well, ok. Here's a side view, with a little, you, know, leg. I think the heel is a little high for me. What with my lack of arches and my ankles' tendency to roll, thus rendering my face in contact with the ground, I'm not sure I should keep them.

Dang, this office has ugly chairs.

Hey, is this shoe thing a metaphor for something? Like, if you can't be with the shoes you love, love the shoes you're with? Blah. I took too many kelp tablets yesterday.

The WTF Report: Dinosaurs and the Ark

I think this one kind of speaks for itself...I love how they've got the T-rex trotting good-naturedly next to, what are those, goats?

http://www.algonet.se/~tourtel/hovind_seminar/seminar_part3a.html

Just in case you're wondering what's on the schedule for today...

Sorry for the lack of a Merry Christmas posting...But we're getting ready for our big day-after-Christmas family get-together with Mom's side of the family, and the chores are all doled out. I have to straighten up the laundry room. Mom, as it should be clear, is in charge of food.

Things I've bought at Wal Mart this week that got me weird looks from the cashier

• $20 worth of faux leather strips
• duct tape
• lil toy handcuffs (I took the last pair...probably meant some soccer mom had to go to Perry)
• hot glue gun

All together it must have looked pretty weird. Can I say how much I enjoy freaking out the cashiers at Wal Mart?