Pretty is as pretty does

OK, get out your dream analysis almanacs or whatever

I guess because House came on last night, I dreamed that I was House's girlfriend. We went to Burger King and got cheeseburgers for lunch, and had a picnic on this blanket that said "Long Live the Dundies!" on it (from The Office). We were sitting there, and he said, "I'M GLAD YOU'RE WEIRD." Then the recess bell rang and we went back to work.

I watch too much TV. And think about cheeseburgers too much.

I ran this by a few of my female friends, and they were all, "Yeah, well, you dreamed about House because House is hot." Interesting. I thought I just had a strange fascination with brilliant, surly old dudes with hidden English accents (probably traceable to reading Jane Eyre at 13, when such fantasies are most likely to be born...)

No, no, no, not Calvert. Not. Calvert.

I think I'm gonna cry now. :-( When I first saw the thing saying he'd died, I didn't believe it because Letterman was always saying Calvert had died, and then Calvert would run onto the stage and tell him to go fuck himself or something.

Oh Calvert. I googled him just now and found that, In addition to being adorable, he also appeared in a Run DMC video and an episode of Pee Wee's Playhouse. How did I not know these things? Pee Wee rules.

I think I'll mourn by watching four straight episodes of 24 tonight. Maybe I'll get to see Kiefer in his skivvies.

Step off, bitch

I don't know that I'd go so far as to date a lesbian-identified male or dress up as Julie from The Love Boat, but Alice Piezecki (of The Chart Piezeckis) is definitely my favorite character...and I do love masterminding me some stuff.

(Never mind the your/you're error...WTF is that about, anyway?)
Which L Word character are you?

The Jack Bauer Report

I'm supposed to be cleaning the house in prep for the Parental Arrival, but instead I'm taking quizzes. Here's one. Which 24 character are you? I'm...Jack Bauer?

I don't know what to say. I mean, I'm in love with him and all. We're getting married and stuff. So does that mean I'm really just in love...with myself?

Why I don't have cable...and should take an axe to my TV altogether

I have a lot of things floating around in my head right now. Projects I want to start, things I want to write about, things I want to throw at people...you know how it is...I need a secretary or something to help me sort it all out.

I went to visit the family this weekend. Spent some time at both old folks homes, chatting with the Grannies and such. Enlightening. Call me crazy, but I rather enjoy hanging with people who think it's 1967. It takes the pressure off me to say things that make sense. At 91, Granny K is finally seeming like a Little Old Lady. They've stopped perming her hair, and now I realize that I've never seen it straight before. Isn't that strange? She looks like a whole other L.O.L. I guess until a few months ago she was in a constant state of permitude. Could that be how she's lived so long??

Another nice(?) thing about visiting the folks is that Mom and Dad have cable. 300 channels, man, and it's blowing my mind. For example, I didn't realize there were two ESPNs. What's that about? Competitive poker, I guess.

And now I know of the magic that is Dr. G. Where has this been all my life? CSI wasn't telling me the whole story. Not by a long shot. Oh, Dr. G, Dr. G., when I die under mysterious circumstances, I hope you're my medical examiner.

See how TV makes you think? Life always looks different from the house of someone with cable.

I caught a few minutes of The Bachelor Rome last night. (I live in the boondocks, gimme a break). It was altogether spellbinding. I have never heard the phrase "FAIRY TALE!!!! (swoon)" uttered more often in my whole life or with less irony. Apparently the dude has narrowed his pool down to two equally bubbly blondes, and all the current rejectees got rounded up so they could dish on each other. There's a crazy girl. I don't know, she thinks she's the princess of something. She wears a tiara. No one knows why. She got all up in the Batch's grill, wanting to know why he didn't pick her. His answer should go down in the annals not just of The Bachelor but of all dating everywhere since the dawn of time:

"For me to have chosen you, you would have needed to be a completely different person."

Ain't that always the way?

Ugh. I feel gross now. I need to read something.

Ha! I did it! I read THIS!!

All you Olympic hopefuls can go f*^% yourselves

One or two events a day would probably be just fine. A nice ice skating thing. Maybe some curling because I have no idea what that is but think it has something to do with really big sticks. But come. on. folks. I guess I just have to go a week without The Office or Law and Orders SVU & Criminal Intent. Oh yeah. And Crossing Jordan. Sigh. I'm just sayin'. At least the Olympics aren't on ABC and thus aren't messing with Lost. Rahr.

Which Fraggle are you?

:) He's my favorite fraggle. I love him. He's wonderful.
http://www.selectsmart.com/FREE/select.php?client=fraggle

I've had fraggles on the brain lately for some reason. Possibly because Minnie sometimes reminds me of the dog on that show. Why did Fraggle Rock have to go away? Why don't they have good shows like that anymore? I try to watch cartoons on Saturday mornings and it's all weird anime. I want my Gummi Bears! While I'm eating my frosted mini wheats I usually settle for that show where the guy goes out and looks for tigers and whatnot and spends the laugh half pointing out piles of poop (it always comes back to poop, yes). Then I throw balled up napkins at the cats and ask them if they realize they're essentially the same animal as that thing tearing open an antelope. They blink. They say "mow." They look away. Stupid human. Why tough it out in the wild when you can dupe some silly woman into pouring yummy pellets into your bowl twice a day? That's what they call EVOLUTION, sister...

In related news, I am also Sophia from the Golden Girls>

Awesome. They even used a pic from my favorite episode. I just love sneaking up on folks and pretending to be a knife-wielding maniac. Shoot, an ANYTHING-wielding maniac... http://www.shemadethis.com/gg/

And Squidward Tentacles from Spongebob

http://www.selectsmart.com/FREE/select.php?client=spungebob

Something about the classification system here is messed up...Perhaps the thing thinks I have MPD.