Pretty is as pretty does

More creepy Kirk Cameron doings

Because the Internet is currently devoid of obnoxious fundamentalists getting all up in your business.

Seriously, what's with that pic. Is he stoned? On Jesus, I guess.

Fun With YouTube

OK, this is the funniest thing I have ever seen on YouTube. I watched it three times. It's this teenage girl, who bears a passing resemblance to Jennifer Garner but who could probably kick way less ass, on a crusade to debunk all religion. OMG, someone is trying to communicate with her through her printer! Oh, the skillful satire...Jonathan Swift, look out.

She's got another one where she just sits on her couch and stares at the camera. She is so deep.

Those good ol' depressed, I'm-smarter-than-everybody-else years...life was simpler then...I shudder to think what kind of videos I'd have posted if there had been a YouTube back in 1993. Possible topics:

That Youth Bible Rally Rocked So Hard

Someday I'll Be A Famous Violist and You Can All Suck It

Stirrup Pants: Yes You CAN Wear Them To Church

Could That New Mariah Carey Song Be Any Better?

Inappropriate line of Nancy Drew dialogue of the week

"Are you sure you're all right?" Helen asked solicitously.
"I admit I got a good bang,' Nancy replied, "but I feel fine now."

Wait, what?

I've been reading The Hidden Staircase (for fun and because my job is rendering me unable to read grown-up books), which Mom found in the attic among a bunch of other ND books on my last trip home. That thing is full of kinky stuff. (The book, not my parents' attic.)
 

Originally posted on cheekykitten.vox.com

The fourth largest provider of cross dressing pics on the internet

Sometimes this thing just writes itself.

I like to check my stats every now and then just to see where my traffic is coming from, and the most randomest referral ever came today. Someone searched for "cross dressing pics," and this site was the #4 site on the list based on a posting I wrote a while back about a female pharoah. Rock on. Seriously. Cross dressing is a fascinating subject for me. I guess that's why I'm already jumping up and down that I get to go to drag queen bingo next month. Oh yes, there will be an entry for that. Just you wait.

Tree Orgy

Do not adjust your innernet. What you're seeing is real. A real tree orgy. I'm not kidding people. I found these pornographic trees whilst innocently hiking near Blowing Rock, NC yesterday. I mean, I know it was July 4th and everything, but could they have maybe waited till sundown? There were kids on that trail FCOL.

Speaking of kids on trails. I shouldn't even say this, because 20 years ago I was one of those annoying small people screaming and sneaking off ahead of my parents so I could go crack my head on a rock. Maybe it was the holiday yesterday. There seemed to be more little kids and more of the "Cooler People" I generally try to avoid on such outings. It took us a whole hour to find a trail that wasn't completely overrun by morons who have no business even being in the woods.

I'm sorry, I'm a total bitch for saying this, but if the trail is marked "moderate," your expansive behind should probably just stay in the Suburban with the air running. And you're probably better off without your cooler. And you DEFinitely shouldn't bring that herd of seven-year-olds because you will spend your entire hike screaming at them to get off rocks and not kill salamanders. There's a place for people like you all to walk. It's called The Mall. It's easier, cooler, and there's a Burger King.

Fortunately yesterday most of them clustered around the trail entrance, since that's where the really cool rocks (and naughty trees) were. This one family engulfed us on our way back down and shared their lives with us, I guess you could say. I don't know what it is about folks like that--for some reason they can't all stay near enough to each other that they can communicate without yelling.

"'ay Pokey," one of them said, (ironically), "Yew and Mama wait down thar at the car. We'll be 'long momenturly."

Maybe they thought they were in Wal Mart.

(Today's scathing observation brought to you thanks to Scott, who thinks the blog has been a little soft lately.)

Dumbfuck quote of the week, and Shakespeare's birthday

Students in Ashburn, Georgia, (a hellhole not far from the hellhole I recently escaped) are enjoying their town's first-ever integrated prom this year...1968, I guess. I had to read that headline twice, seriously. One of the town's morons is quoted as saying of her own prom in past years,

"There was not anybody that I can remember that was black," she said. "The white people have theirs, and the black people have theirs. It's nothing racial at all."

No, there's nothing racial about white people doing one thing and black people having to do a whole other thing.

I can't believe I used to live around there. Seriously. Read it.

Oh, and it's Shakespeare's birthday (and death day). Word.

TV encourages mob-mentality stupidity

Ugh! Speaking of Wikipedia! My commitment to my cause has been reaffirmed!! The other night on The Office, one of the characters mentioned his love of Wikipedia, and a bunch of people logged on to take advantage of its wisdom and add their own "knowledge" to it. It was satire, people. Satire. It did not mean you should all run out and use Wikipedia. It did not mean you are qualified to make your own intellectual contribution to anything ever. In fact, it meant the opposite. That's the essence of satire, and you're all retarded.

Something weird is happening, people. Satire has gone from being a clever way to make fun of the more inane aspects of our culture to being an actual danger. Americans are officially so braindead from watching Deal or No Deal that they can't even tell when they're being made fun of.

Rahr! Why do people seem so extra stupid this week?

Overheard: Weird

I just overheard a strange conversation between two people who claim to be my age:

Dude #1: You know Jenna Fischer?
Dude #2: Isn't she the girl from the Joey Buttafuoco case?
Dude #1: Who's Joey Buttafuoco?
Dude #2: You know, that guy whose teenage mistress tried to murder his wife back in the 80s. Her name was something Fischer.
Dude #1: What the hell are you talking about?

Do I just have an insanely good memory, or are there really people who don't remember Amy Fischer?

Nothin like a little retarded conservative bias

Check it out gang, it's the fundies' answer to Wikipedia. You know you're on to something when you put a dumbass spin on an already dumbass site. Do read their entry on Hillary Clinton. You won't be sorry...

Totally bunk

Hey look, somebody just emailed me a phone pic of me checking out a bunk bed. Nice bunk bed. Nice bunk bed.

Various questions arise here: Why do I look seven months pregnant? Why is there a life buoy on the bed? Do people actually buy bunk beds?